Something Personalish

Guerachina, 10th- Oakland, CA
Dear Me.
Right now in the year I’m writing this letter we’re 15 going on 16. A lot of things have happened since we were 5. But I just want to tell you some things.

You will go through a lot in finding yourself, don't try to rush it, take your time and try doing some self reflecting on your actions or just on some of the things that have happened to you throughout your life.

There’s a time during 7th grade when you start to question your sexuality but you end up finding it out, it took a while but you were still able to discover it and grow from it because you are finally sure of one thing in your life. (Everyone knew except you.)

You need to keep in mind you can’t always make everyone happy by keeping a smile on your face when you can’t do it anymore. You need to give yourself a break and let yourself cry and have other feelings. Cause trust me it gets hard. As you start getting older it becomes harder for you to start feeling joy so it becomes harder for you to keep a genuine smile on your face. I just want you to take in mind yourself for a minute.

Moving away from all that life stuff, during 2020 a pandemic happened. (The pandemic was of coronavirus also known as Covid-19). When this happened a lot of things shut down like schools and stores and pretty much everything, the whole economy was shut down for business. But not all was bad. You did some growing you lost yourself but you are starting to find yourself again so that was great. But we’re still working on getting our happiness, the one we once had and the one we long to have again. I want to tell you things get easier and yeah sometimes they do, but gosh we’re just so mental and you’ll see why later on. But when you grow up please make good decisions for both of us, future me and current me.

Don’t do dumb stuff that can cause you to lose people you care about. Make somewhat good decisions, cause if you always make the good choices then your family is going to expect you to turn out like Fatima. Let me just tell you now though you are nothing like Fatima even though people compare you to her you are not like her. You have tried to become like her in the past but it always fails. So just remember you can't change your personality even as much as you try to. It's kinda not possible, because you yourself are your own individual person who starts to grow into something different then what your family would’ve thought.

A lot of the times you’re just confused with your feelings because of things from the past so you’re trying to be cautious. But right now we are in a situation and you don’t know what it is, and you're scared because you don't want to get hurt like last time. It took a lot of time to recover so just be careful with that please.

You’re still confused with many things. You’re confused on what you are going to do in life. You are confused on what is going to happen to yourself because sometimes you never know. Sometimes you get so bad and messed up it makes you wonder “What is happening to me” or “what is going to happen to me”  they’re many things that happen that makes you think this. It has a lot to do with your mindset and how you are seeing yourself too. Sometimes bad and sometimes good. Another thing is your pronouns. You don’t know what they are for right now that's something I’m trying to figure out for you.

I want you to try and enjoy your childhood as much as you can because life gets tough sometimes so just try and value your childhood and value the time you have with the people in it, because there’s going to be many times in the future where you wish you hugged that person goodbye for the last time. Or when you got to hangout with your cousins and play hide-n-seek for the last time together. Hang on to those memories for me.

Sincerely your older self.