Plastic Family

Anonymous, 9th - Oakland, CA
​Playing house sure did not work.
I hear my parents yelling at the other room
Tears stream down my little sibling’s face.
I look at the closed door in front of me.
I ask myself, 
“When will this end?” 
“When will we be happy?”
“Can we be a ‘Family’?”
“When will they get along?”
“Can we have a family where everyone loves each other?”
“Can I have two parents who will never yell at each other?”
“I wonder what my siblings feel”
“I wonder if they could just stop fighting pay attention to us”

My dad spending money, gambling. My mother working hard to feed us and provide us a warm home.

Some days go good some days go bad or even more damaging.

When we visit our family we put on a bright smile. Telling them we are “fine”. I keep my mouth shut not telling my cousin that my parents fought last night. I have a hard time studying thinking about my parents.

My friends don’t even know I lie to them when I tell them, “ I love my family, we all love each other”
My siblings bear the pain with me and we keep our mouths shut tight.

Not letting out a peep on what goes in our house every day.
Our dad doesn’t even come home, he stays out there god knowing what he does.
Sometimes I could tell when he is drunk, asking my mother for money knowing we don’t have enough.

Dad driving drunk with me and my siblings back home from a party, our Aunt told us to stay but the stingy old man (my dad’s friend) wanted to go home. 
Music blasting load as my dad and the man continue to drink more beers. I look over my older sister looking out the window. I look at my little brother who was 3-4 years old sleeping.
I looked down, “ If I had a phone I would call my mom, “ I say.
I look out the window, cars passing slow.
The cars pass by slow.
Slow.
Cars passing by Slow.
 I stay still for a moment, “ we are going fast” I say.

I shut my eyes and tighten my grip on my seat belt.

“ If we get in a car crash will the seat belt save me?”
“ what about my little brother who is sleeping?”
“My older sister who is on her phone ignoring the fact that my dad and the man are drunk”

I open my eyes and see red and blue light. I turn around and look back.
Police car. I look back at my older sister, she ignores my worried face and looks away.

My brother wakes up and starts to cry, 

I start to get nauseous. 

They grab my father and place him inside the police car.

My mind goes blurry.

I really don’t know what it feels like to have a happy family. My friends do know that feeling and my cousin too. 

I don’t feel jealous, I don’t know why.

A plastic family.
A plastic family.
A happy life?
A plastic family.
A plastic family.

Plastic family it is.
Seeing children with a happy family makes me feel happy and sad.
Us kids are suffering if parents have a fight or won’t get along.

Plastic family it is.