Change Through Growth

Cicely F, 8th - Berkeley, CA
When I started my bullet journal in July 2021, I had 4 pages. One was my daily mood, my screen time, my daily highlights and habits to track. It was simple enough, I just filled it out based on the things we did. It didn’t really relate to my actual mood, it was more of a representation of physical actions like biking, crafts, travel or baking. While those things did make me happy, I realized that wasn’t how I felt on the inside.

Starting 8th grade was tough, I had many unfeasible goals I put in place for myself before the year even started, which as probably many can imagine- I was in an overwhelmed state which gave my anxiety room to take over.

All through this time, I was bullet journaling and as time went on, my view changed. Unconsciously, the color of the square that I filled in each day, the one that was supposed to reflect my mood, stayed the same as the summer! I didn’t understand how that was possible as it was the most challenging month of my life.

As I thought back through September, I didn’t see much progress in the goals I made from myself, which in my brain translated to the lowest two colors in my tracker, but the growth I made that month would have seemed unattainable to myself 2 months ago. Though I didn’t win my cross country races, or do yoga every morning, I found myself and faced more than I thought was possible.

Now the color resonates with how much growth has happened, if it's a hard day and I got through it, that might be higher than a day where I go to Cedar Point. Or maybe it won’t be, but everyday, I learn something and that's what counts.